Alright, ladies and gentlemen, get your laughs and chills ready as we delve into the world of mass contradiction, irony, and the never-ending generosity of the Algerian dictator, Abdelmadjid Tebboune, at the UNGA assembly of September 2023.
Our eloquent speaker starts brilliantly by establishing classic diplomatic platitudes, somehow managing to thank everyone and their second cousin while keeping us on the edge of our seats waiting for, what else, but more eloquent fluff.
His Excellency then dives into the pool of paradox, donning a cape of pacifism one moment and pledging solidarity with “people fighting for their freedom” the next. Uh, Mr. Tebboune, do you recall those protests in your backyard? But, no, let’s not allow little pesky details like that to ruin a perfectly good monologue, shall we?
He goes on to speak about the exceptional position of Algeria as a non-permanent member of the Security Council, a position achieved through the “expression of trust of the 184 member states”. Remember, a dictatorship is not marked by the dictator’s democracy but the trust others place in him!
Teboune, like a true magician, then conjures up illusions of Algeria’s impressive achievements in mediation and “seeking political solutions”. Distracting illusions aside, it’s admirable how he manages to refrain from carnally blushing while talking about Algeria’s imminent seat on the Security Council, “bringing with it the aspirations of the African continent and the Arab world”.
Moving on, our fearless leader takes up the legitimate (read: opportunistic) struggle of the Palestinian people, declaring an unflinching devotion to their cause. Yep, the same devotion that conveniently acts as the perfect smokescreen to cloud out any international scrutiny towards his domestic governance.
Segueing into the struggles of the Sahel region, he presents a plea for international assistance, invoking the specters of climate change and terrorism. He somehow manages to weave this plea into a humblebrag about Algeria’s invaluable experience in combating terrorism. Mesmerizing verbosity!
What’s more? He manages to shower praises on Algeria’s exceptional human rights record (cue awkward laughter). He doubly emphasizes on the enhanced role of women in Algeria, with the ‘Sustainable Development Goals’ acting as the backdrop for this ruse. A perfect mirage-casting spell as dissent brews internally!
Finally, after a roller coaster of ludicrousy, our dear dictator wraps it up with a warm and fuzzy conclusion, hoping for a world of peace and prosperity, and “strong commitment to meet the legitimate needs of our people”.
All in all, His Excellency did what he does best: masked the glaring internal issues with a blanket of global concern, international diplomacy and a healthy dose of wishful thinking. But alas, in the burlesque world of diplomacy, Tebboune’s speech might just earn him a standing ovation!